Young Without God
My name is Angela, and my story starts 20 years ago. When I was 19 I was wondering aimlessly without a purpose. I was raised Catholic, but some years went by when we moved to a remote place where we had no Church, so God at that time was out the window. So I was doing my own thing, without God. I knew of Him but had no relationship with Him. I ended up pregnant by a guy I had no relationship with. When I found out my pregnancy test was positive, I knew my life was in trouble and that my parents were not going to be happy. My mom was disappointed, but more understanding than my dad. He was not very happy and said “there is no room here for a baby”. At that time of course this was new to all of us and I was not very strong. I felt like I had no choice, where was I going to go? So I contacted the guy and he agreed to take me and pay for half of the abortion at Planned Parenthood.
I barely remember the ride there I was scared and silent. When we arrived he said he would wait and then take me back home when the abortion was all over. I had nobody with my for support and I never felt so alone. When the procedure was done I can out to an empty parking lot so I walked to a nearby 7-11 to call a friend to drive more than an hour to bring me home. I was heart broken when I got home my mom was sweet she gave me my meds. And I took a nap and that was that.
As I grew into my 20’s then 30’s my life became emotionally hard. I was so mad at my dad for what seemed like him forcing me into the abortion. Every time the enemy poked at me in my mind about it I was sad in my heart the memory came back and I started to question myself “what if I had the baby”? I was so emotionally drained from the sadness. Several times people would ask if I talked to God about it? I eventually did and I know deep down God forgave me because I asked Him to but I never forgave myself and the enemy always tried to mess with my mind.
In the past 20 years I have been born again and baptized and my family and I attend Church, what a new life it has been. I have an 8 year old son Luke with my husband Tony who I met while serving in the Navy. I had always wanted a girl but as long as the child was healthy I was good with it. Recently I watched a Christian movie where the girls that had an abortion wrote a note to the unborn baby and released it in the air attached to a pink or blue balloon. I thought that was a cool idea, how sweet but still my heart was sad. It seemed God was saying to me that the child I gave up was that little girl and she was in Heaven now. I still don’t have the nerve to send up my balloon.
So over the years my parents and I have talked about the abortion situation and my parents admits they could have handled it differently. In my heart I know that was my dads apology and I have forgiven him in my heart. My parents aren’t the same as they were back then, none of us are. As I think back to that time in my life I wish I knew God then like I do now.
I am 39 years old now and my life includes God and He is good all the time. Our son Luke is our miracle for lots of reasons. He attends the Christian Academy at our Church and we are all plugged into Ministry. I know God turns all things to the good of those that love Him and He is a forgiving God.
If I had it to do again I would seek out a Christian Counselor or Pastor there is a Ministry called 911babies.com and I know they have some great suggestions.
Thank you for taking the time to read my life testimony. Celebrate life!