It was the beginning of my junior year in high school. I was excited, looking forward to another year of diving, gymnastics and track. But this excitement quickly came to an end when I realized I was pregnant.
When the pregnancy was confirmed, my mind went racing. It isn't enough to just say that I was scared - I was terrified! The idea of having an abortion was never a consideration for me. I could not live with the realization that I was responsible for taking the life of my child - a death because of my actions.
My first instincts told me that I needed to raise my child on my own. I knew I could love and care for a child, but when I stopped thinking about myself, and thought about what was best for my child, I knew adoption was the right decision. I was 16 at the time.
The adoption procedure I opted for is not your ordinary plan. I chose to do an independent open adoption. Through this process I was able to select from among the prospective adoptive parents. I had the opportunity to establish a personal relationship with them as well as to develop a lasting friendship. The more I got to know them, the more excited I was about placing my baby with this couple. They had so much love and security to offer my child. They were there with me in the hospital when my son was born. Their video camcorder ran non-stop.
I will always treasure the three days I spent in the hospital with my son.
Handing him over to his new parents was by no means easy, but I knew in my heart that this was the right decision for both of us.
Many tears were shed throughout the nine months and during the hospital stay. But they were not all tears of sadness. I miss my son very much. I think about him every day and a smile comes to my face. I thank the Lord that He led me to two such special people to be adoptive parents for my child.
He now has an adoptive sister. I keep in contact with the family through letters and pictures. I can't begin to explain the feelings of pride and contentment that I experience when I see the smile on his face.
Relinquishing my son was the hardest decision I will ever have to make, but I'm more confident than ever that it was the right one. While in the hospital I received a card that read, "Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same." This is so true!