Two years ago today I was sitting in an abortion clinic thinking not having Vaida was best for me.
People remember dates for birthdays, and anniversaries. Well this date is forever burned in my brain. It's a day that I will remember and I remember every single detail of that day. I think that is Gods way of showing me that HIS plan is and will always be greater and bigger than anything and everything I've ever known.
I sat in the abortion clinic for nearly 7 hours. I remember wearing a pink t shirt that was soaking wet from crying. Below is my post from that day and I remember crying the entire time I was writing it. I hope that by sharing this that it touches someone.
"Today I was at the abortion clinic. I had my mind made up. My boyfriend was cheating on me. I have small kids, what will people think?? I kept telling myself I'm all alone I need to do this. Sitting there.. I could hardly make out anyone or anything through the tears. People were eating fast food around me, laughing, texting. I on the other hand was a wreck. I kept my face down, my face was drenched in tears. I kept telling and giving myself every reason to go through with this even though I did not believe in it. I kept saying I'm on birth control this could not happen..I kept trying to justify it. But my heart was heavy. I felt like I was about to make a horrible horrible decision and God was giving me signs to not do it.. I woke up this morning, my daughter was sick I had to find a sitter, I got lost, my car broke down for about 15 mins and I got here late but they still got me in. I prayed God would stop and give me a sign, give me the strength to get up and walk out of here..
The lady called me to the desk. Last step before you go back. I fumbled through my wallet to find my drivers license and out fell a card a couple left on the table Saturday night when I was working... It had their church name on it.. On the back was a common verse...
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I knew God was speaking to me.
Two of my best friends called me just in time and said the most comforting things. "I will be there for you..There's a reason God gave you that gift."
I told the lady I changed my mind. As I was about to walk out. A young girl no older than probably 19 says to me.."Are you going to do it?" I told her I couldn't.. She said.."I wish I could be brave like you.." I told her she was brave and she could do the same thing. She said she had to do it because of some serious circumstances.. As I turned around she said.."When you see your baby's face for the first time you're gonna be so glad you walked out of here today."
Pouring tears I walked out and felt a huge weight off my shoulders. No matter what your circumstances are God doesn't make mistakes and he is here for you.
This is my testimony. If you have any negative comments you can refrain from making them here. I will let it be known that I do not care what people think. Hence this post. My friends and family mean the world to me. And have my back 100%. Even if I have to do this by myself. I thank God everyday for them. "
Most of all I remember the enormous amount of relief and strength I felt when I walked out those doors. No guilt. No shame. No regrets. I remember feeling that this all... This all has to mean something one day. My daughter Vaida Everly has a purpose. Her name means beautiful life. And lord she is just that.. A beautiful life. After a scary pregnancy, and after countless weak moments thinking I just could not do this by myself.. September 12 2013 I welcomed my beautiful Vaida Everly into this world with both my best friends by my side. I remember seeing her for the first time and bursting into tears. And engraved in my head were the words that girl told me before leaving the clinic that day. "When you see your baby's face for the first time you are going to be so happy you walked out of here today.." She was beyond right. 6lbs 4oz of pure perfection and no matter what pain I felt physically and emotionally... She gave me a feeling of joy that I can't even explain. A kind of joy that if a war was going on outside I wouldn't even know it. I am so in love.
My once tiny 6lb baby is now 18lbs. Full of life. Full of energy. Loves to laugh. Loves to smile.
And last but not least she is that beautiful baby girl I was singing to at midnight in the kitchen. The video that has touched millions of people all over the world. Singing to her in our kitchen for a memory keep sake is the reason our entire life is about to change. For the good. For the better. She was meant to be here.